“Phase”

Posted by Anonymous
They called it a ‘phase’
I was in grade 4, when I hated guys. Green was my favourite colour. Though I could barely figure out why was I always, gifted dolls?
In those crisp metallic pink birthday wraps in a basket with its edge bearing the misty light pink ribbons.
Along side a bouquet of Mandeville.
Mom I don’t like flower and what is pink for me anyway?
She called it a ‘phase’.
I was in grade 8, when I finally decided  to cut my hair short, disagreed to fit in to the societal norms demarcated by the delusional society. Mother told me it doesnt looks decent or ‘lady like’. When maybe my inner self only wanted to play basketball and flaunt my tan as a reward.
My friends called it a ‘phase’.
Grade 11, when  I preferred,
Skateboard over any fancy hairbows,
Girls over guys,
Shirts over skirts,
Blue over pink,
And love over people’s misguided concept of gender,
They saw nothing like normality
They barely remember,
Christ saying that love seeks no complexity.
Dear society,
You called it a phase.!
“Phase phase phase. . .”
No wonder, this term still echoes down my memory lane,
bearing such a negative connotation and awash with so much of  disgrace and shame.
Dear society,
You called it, an ‘illness’ when I tried stepping out of the closet,
You termed it as ‘unnatural’ when I wanted to welcome you into my world,
Suddenly from rainbows and glitter it was some unacquainted dark grey skies that seemed way darker than my inner self.
Very soon I realised that another term has been added on the list from – caste and colour, creed and nationality and now
you call it LGBT.
Can people learn how to be more humane?
Can people understand that closet isnt any home?
Because my love and my feelings
Oh wait !
‘The love’ and ‘the feeling’ was named
It was termed as ‘unacceptable’ –
A mere sin.
Dear family,
You told me that girls can only love boys,
Not even whispering with the tiniest of flutter that love comes in all forms and size,
You said,
That holding my girl best friend’s hand was just another crime.
You thought love beyond gender wouldn’t stand a chance to shine!
You said that gay people intimidate you,
Some extents of love and freedom not built as an edifice on your ideal biblical principles,
just misguided perspectives
that even I tried to disaffirm
Dear school,
Do you remember?
When My eyes were searching for familiar faces in the crowd of your red old walls,
My mind was trying to find solitude in chaos.
Few months down the road, I felt my lips re whispering her name,
With the sole intention of seeing her again.
But I even remember,
When I felt my knees trembling,
And I couldn’t breathe another thought.
I felt my demons, sneaking off of those few inches of my pale skin,
My darker side,
Trying to get me by my neck on that night
Ugh these thoughts!
Why Can’t we afford this escapism?
But,
I had to follow the norms.
Pink is for girls,
Blue is boys.
Switching the roles?
Well that isn’t nice.
But Only if the souls were aware of the concept of gender.
And
Only if the souls were aware of the concept of gender.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s